Units of Measure

A few years ago a friend of mine from the North West ventured here to try his hand at southern whitetail hunting. While he was here we found ourselves caught in a rain storm that had us holed up in the tent for a couple of days. To pass the time we started doing what men do when trapped in a tent in a rain storm, we started sharing stories of past hunts and accomplishments, and to some degree failures. It was during one of these conversations that it became evident that our Northwestern friend was suffering from a lack of education, especially when it came to the proper units of measure.

You may be asking yourselves what led to this type of clarification, but it was so evident when during one of my stories, Wayne continued to interrupt and ask what this meant or what that meant.

Sure we have the standard system, imperial system and the metric system with all of its confusing conversion tables. But in the world below the Mason Dixon, where I hail from these are secondary to what we use every day to describe things such as quantities and distance. Never mind, volume vs. liner, around this part of the country we have our own way and it seems to be working just fine.

In this conversation, Wayne, being held captive by his northwestern way of thinking did not understand what was meant when someone described a successful fishing trip by saying he had caught a “mess of fish.”
“What exactly is a mess of fish?” Wayne asked.
Being from the south I knew what was meant by this but had never really given it any thought as to its actual quantity. All I knew was that a mess of fish was a successful day. It was then that we set out to clarify and educate Wayne on what are proper units of measure.

A “mess” of fish, I explained, is enough for supper (dinner to the rest of the country). With that he asked what he thought was a legitimate follow up question, “what is it called if you catch more than that?”
“Well that all depends.” I said. “There are different sizes of a ‘mess’ it all depends on the size of your family. For a family of two a “mess” might be 4 fish of average size, and for conversation sake so as to not confuse things more we will refer to all measurements using average size for two fish per person, etc. But if you have five kids then a “mess” would be somewhere around 10 fish of average size.” But for conversation sake we will simply say that a “mess” is enough for supper. If you catch what might be considered the equivalent of two complete “messes” then you have a “gob” of fish. A “gob” of fish is therefore two “messes” (of average size). To put it another way, if you were to be so fortunate enough to catch a gob of fish, then you would have enough for supper and some to “put up.”
“To put up” Wayne said sounding exasperated. What does that mean?
“To put up” I said means “to freeze or to can which ever the case may be, but usually with fish it means to freeze” We do this so we have fish for another day when you do not catch a “mess”.

This led to a somewhat puzzled look on my northwestern friends face so I knew that further explanation was needed to open his mind and to give him a clearer understanding. If a “mess” is enough for supper and a “gob” is a “mess” with some to “put up” then the obvious next question was, what is it if you were to catch two gobs? Logically, if someone was so fortunate enough to catch two gobs of fish, they would then have a “heap” of fish.

Wayne, by this point is looking even more puzzled having no concept of a “heap” of fish, (obviously he had never been to a fish fry) needed some further explanation as to the realities of a “heap” of fish. Quite simply a “heap” of fish is enough to feed the community. You pass on putting some up, and go straight to the bragging act of inviting all known acquaintances over for a fish fry so you can show off your testosterone driven ability of catching more fish than a family could eat in a month.

Beyond this is so rare that I have know of only two occasions when someone actually was able to catch more than a heap of fish, one reference is in the Bible, and the other was illegal. Something about dynamite and big landing nets. But in case you were wondering what is beyond a “heap” that would be a “passel” of fish. So to reiterate, it goes like this from smallest to largest, first you have a mess, two messes make a gob, two gobs equal a heap, and two heaps are the equivalent of a passel. Got it?

Not to confuse anyone at all, but these units do not apply only to fish mind you. They are also applicable to anything gathered from a garden. For example, one can go gather a “mess” of collard greens, but you cannot go to the grocery and buy a “mess” of collard greens. That would be a “bunch”. Likewise you cannot go gather a “bunch” of collard greens from the garden. On one occasion I knew of while visiting an old country store a transplanted farmer arrived and commented that he had just “picked a bunch” of collard greens. The glares at him were deadly, finally one old farmer commented in a soft definite voice. “son, you don’t ‘pick a bunch of collard greens’ you gather a ‘mess of collard greens’ and you ‘pick a mess of beans’”. With that every gentleman in the room nodded in agreement. A “bunch” of beans (green or Lima or Crowder) is not the equivalent of a “mess” of collard greens. In both instances, it is enough for supper, but a “bunch” would be something like a “mess and a half” and no one in their right mind gathers a “mess and a half” of collard greens. You either gather a “mess” (enough for supper) or you go all the way and gather a gob. So you can “put them up” (freeze/can them) before the frost gets them. But to gather a “bunch of beans, is just enough to get the canning pot hot, it certainly is not enough to get serious about canning. In that case you would need to get a “slew” of beans which is about 6 bunches, or twelve messes, or six gobs, or three and one half heaps, or one and a half passels. It is simpler to say four bunches than to confuse things and say you picked six gobs, or three and a half heaps.

While it may be true that some isolated pockets of the country use the archaic terms of bushels, and pecks, but to pick a peck of beans is almost the equivalent of 4 gobs, and that divides the measurements and really confuses things, and the only time someone would consider picking/gathering a bushel, was if the weather was threatening, or if there was a church dinner planned and there was not enough time to gather later in the week.

Wayne is starting to get it now, his mouth is almost closed and I can tell he is thinking about a question when I interrupted his thought. “Do you understand it now?” His blank stare indicated that he was not quite there so I rationed to myself, that there was simply no hope in bringing a lifetime worth of education to someone in only a few hours. So with a tidbit of sympathy I moved from units of measure to linear measurements, after all it is a far piece from South Carolina to southern Idaho and I did not want my new friends to be left confused. So to change things up a bit I asked, Wayne how far it was from here to Columbia, knowing that we were but a stones throw, he indicated that it was “about 55 miles”.

With one eyebrow raised slightly, I asked as sincerely as possible, “how far is that?” I could see the puzzlement in his eyes so I asked, how long does it take to get there? Where we come from, we don’t care how far it is, all we care about is how long it takes to get there! In some parts of the country, it may take you 4 hours to travel 55 miles, while in others about 35 minutes. So Wayne countered and asked how far I lived from the beach, he knew it was about 150 miles, and I knew it was a good five hours. I simply said, well it’s “quite a piece”. This for us is completely understandable.

“How far is “quite a piece””! Wayne, shouted, with the obvious feeling of inferiority, I said in a matter of fact way, while trying to be sensitive to his feelings that he now seemed to be wearing on his sleeve. “It is fairly straight forward Wayne.” I conjured as he seemed to listen. “If something is fairly close, we say it is ‘a little piece’, that means that you can be there in less than half an hour.” I continued, “if something is further than that, we say it is ‘just over there’ while pointing in the direction of the final destination, that means that it is somewhere between an hour and an hour and a half, in good traffic. And if something is further than an hour and a half, it is ‘a far piece’ and when you get further than that, well then you are ‘quite a piece’”. Of course all of this is contingent on the traffic, sometimes, what may be a little piece today, may in all actuality be quite a far piece tomorrow if the traffic is bad.

I look over at Wayne who now does not seem to be listening at all as he pours another cup of coffee. So I decided to sum it up by suggesting that the next time he comes to visit, if it ain’t too far, we could go to the pond and catch a mess of fish and maybe gather a bunch of beans for supper.